I wanted to do a post on the "scary" person on the other side of adoption. That was my thought in the very beginning of our adoption journey when I would think about a birth mother ~ I remember when we first started down the adoption road...the thought of having a relationship with the women who placed HER baby into our arms was not an option. We were unsure and scared! You hear of ALL these Lifetime Story movies of all the bad things that come out of adoption or with the birth mother knowing who you are...coming to the home to take the baby, stalking your home at all hours of the night, always feeling like you are being watched...goodness, I could go on and on. I am happy to say that I NO LONGER feel that way!!!!
What I am hoping to get out of this post is to educate others on having an open mind when thinking about adoption or open adoption. We have been blessed to have 2 amazing, wonderful birth mothers, who want nothing but the BEST for their babies!!!!!!
Myths About Birth Parents
Myth#1: If a birth mother places her baby for adoption, it must mean that she didn’t love or want her baby.
Fact: Birth mothers choose adoption for their babies for many different reasons. However, choosing adoption does not mean that she did not want or love her baby. Birth moms love their babies very much and want the best life possible for them. A birth mother knows that she cannot provide that life for her baby at this time, though. Whether it is because she is struggling financially, cannot provide a two-parent home, feels too young or too old, or any other reason, a birth mother still goes through a lengthy and difficult process to reach the decision of adoption. When a birth mother releases her parental rights of her child, her heart breaks because she genuinely loves that baby and wants to be able to parent him or her. But through choosing parents to raise her child, a birth mom can know that he or she will be loved, provided for, and taken care of in ways that she knows she cannot do at this time in her life. Adoption is truly a selfless act, a sacrifice of love.
Myth#3: Birth mothers are all troubled teens.
Fact: Birth mothers are all different ages. In fact, research has shown that a majority of birth mothers are in their twenties. Because each one is unique, we cannot put birth mothers into to any “box.”
Myth#4: A birth mother should not spend time with her baby in the hospital; this will cause her to feel “too attached” and change her mind about the adoption.
So please think out of the "box" and see what can flourish from having a relationship with the "scary" person :-)
If you are wondering about the relationships that we have with our 2 daughters birth mothers.....with M's birth mother we had a fairly open relationship with her when M was first born, the last time that we saw her was when M was 3-4 months old. But still to this day I send her pictures & letters and we respect her wishes on backing up and if she wants to come back into M's life, we will welcome her with OPEN arms!!!
With A's birth mother we started a relationship with her early in her pregnancy and was able to attend her doctors appointments with her and was even in the delivery room to witness A take her first breath. Since A's arrival into this world we have seen her birth mother at least once EVERY ( yep, I said EVERY) month.....she is a HUGE part of A's life (and ours) and we would not want to any other way!!
Myths About Birth Parents
Myth#1: If a birth mother places her baby for adoption, it must mean that she didn’t love or want her baby.
Fact: Birth mothers choose adoption for their babies for many different reasons. However, choosing adoption does not mean that she did not want or love her baby. Birth moms love their babies very much and want the best life possible for them. A birth mother knows that she cannot provide that life for her baby at this time, though. Whether it is because she is struggling financially, cannot provide a two-parent home, feels too young or too old, or any other reason, a birth mother still goes through a lengthy and difficult process to reach the decision of adoption. When a birth mother releases her parental rights of her child, her heart breaks because she genuinely loves that baby and wants to be able to parent him or her. But through choosing parents to raise her child, a birth mom can know that he or she will be loved, provided for, and taken care of in ways that she knows she cannot do at this time in her life. Adoption is truly a selfless act, a sacrifice of love.
Myth#2: Birth mothers are abandoning responsibility by choosing adoption.
Fact: Choosing adoption is taking responsibility. Adoption is a very hard decision to make, but a responsible one. When a birth mother chooses adoption, she is putting aside her own feelings and choosing what is best for her child. She is placing the needs of her baby above her own emotions. Many sacrifices are involved in being a parent, and a birth parent has chosen to make the most difficult sacrifice of all.
Myth#3: Birth mothers are all troubled teens.
Fact: Birth mothers are all different ages. In fact, research has shown that a majority of birth mothers are in their twenties. Because each one is unique, we cannot put birth mothers into to any “box.”
Myth#4: A birth mother should not spend time with her baby in the hospital; this will cause her to feel “too attached” and change her mind about the adoption.
Fact: Spending time with her baby is very healthy for a birth mom. This does not cause her to change her mind about her adoption plan. Through her pregnancy, giving birth, and simply being a mother, she already feels an attachment to her baby. Making an adoption plan for her baby does not change the fact that she will grow a bond with him or her. However, she reminds herself of why she chose to place her baby for adoption in the first place. The circumstances that led her to this decision, in almost all cases, have not changed. When a birth mom is able to see her baby in the hospital, she can hold him, talk to him, or cry with him. Through this, the birth mother is able to express her feelings toward the baby and tell him or her why she has made this decision. Studies have shown that this is very healthy for her and to begin her grief/healing process.
This information was taken from "Chosen Child Adoption Services"
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